It is said that when time flies, it flies never to be regained. Another year of my life has gone by even quicker than the last, and for a while today I sat and thought to myself “what have you actually done this year”. Shortly after, I got thinking about what I didn’t quite achieve this year and quickly realised that although I’ve not met all the goals I set out to achieve, I have done far better than I had hoped I would at the start of the year.
Second year has been a very tough year for me, tougher than I ever imagined a year at university could be. If you’ve read any of my posts from this year, you’ll know that I travelled to Australia at Christmas to reunite with my big brothers and the rest of my family, a trip I was unbelievably lucky to experience. While I was so grateful for every second of my time out there, when I returned home it threw into question a lot of the things which I thought were important to me and that I held close to my heart.
I was experiencing some extreme emotional turmoil after Christmas and it lasted for a solid few months. I was feeling guilt over things I certainly shouldn’t have felt guilty about, I dropped some of my core values and I was so incredibly homesick that my first thought most mornings was whether I could make the next train home from Waterloo.
All things considered, with a lot of help from the most supportive group of people I have ever been lucky enough to know (my friends truly have been a blessing), I have achieved some of the goals that were most important to me this year. I have finally learnt to belt, and while I don’t have a massive range I never thought I would be able to do what I can now. My fear of singing in front of people no longer cripples me, and I am able to stand up and sing in front of my peers without the nerves that used to hold me back so badly. I’m far stronger physically than I was last year, and my technical ability within dance has come on further than I expected it would. I have faced fears, gained new skills, learnt tricks, taken part in classes I never thought I’d willingly go to, and ended the year by being involved in a wonderful musical with the most incredibly talented cast.
I find in this industry that people are so quick to criticise. It is incredibly rare to look at the positives of what you are doing; everything is always about what to improve or work on next. But today I am going to take a moment and say that I am proud. I am proud of where I am at the moment. I am proud of what I have achieved this year. And I am proud of the performer and the person I am becoming. This journey has been a roller coaster so far and I can’t wait to see what lies ahead.